Day 4

I just got home. It's 3am. She came online a little while ago. I was close, but I didn't crack... She's offline now. Fuck. So this is how it is? We just don't talk anymore? I know 4 days (or really 3) is nothing, but like, it used to be every day... there used to be drunk texts... fuck me. Ugh.

In good news! Season 3 of "Life of Ryan" is on YouTube.

Shit, she's back on again. Is she ever gonna message?

I just @'d her. That's cheating. I might delete it.


Edit
It's 6:22pm. I'm at work. I did end up deleting that @. Ugh. I'm tempted right now. What would the harm be if I messaged? I've gone 3 days... I mean, I know I can do it... but what would the good be if I messaged? I mean, I'd be better off NOT messaging, but... what if she never messages me again? It's just over? It's just... over?

Fuck... I need to talk myself out of this, right? But if we never talk again, doesn't that say that something IS up? Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

What if I message and we have a terrible convo? Ugh.
What if I message and she's like "G2G" right away? Ugh.
What if I message and it's back to normal?

OMG I shouldn't... I shouldn't... I'll be stronger if I don't, but I hate that she might never ever message me again... but if she doesn't, then that's fate... but if I message her, that's fate too... Actually, the fact that I'm questioning this so much means that I probably SHOULD NOT message her... AHHHHHHH!!!


Edit.
I cracked.