Day 3

Ew. My table (where my computer is) is really sticky and dirty. I should scrub it tonight. I just showered and now my arms feel sticky and gross. ICK!

I love my mornings. I sat on the balcony for like 20 minutes this morning just smoking, drinking coffee, and listening to my new iPod. I could do it forever. That's why I always wish I would wake up a little earlier, so I can maximize morning time... but it's kinda hard to when I go to bed at 3am.

You know what? This summer is SO much better without my dumbass ex-girlfriend, Madam Douchebag. Sure I had sex whenever I wanted it, and I had nightly plans... but I've pretty much got nightly plans now, and they're better ones. They don't consist of Douche playing around on Facebook while I played Tony Hawk Underground on her GameCube. God, it was SO obvious that we were falling apart. I can't believe I didn't see it then!

Moving on...

It's Day 3. No cracking yet - on either side. I told Moo last night and she's like, fuck it! It's not worth it, she's not worth it... she's just not that into you. She must be right... but that being said, is it possible that she's waiting for me? Doubtful. My boss says that she thinks E. likes the attention when she's feeling unconfident or insecure, but when she's feeling good she feels no need to talk to me. It's sad, but a really legit theory, and honestly? I'm caring a lot less. I mean, who is E anyway? Like, she's been in my life for a little over 2 months now, but my life isn't better or worse because of her. It's just another distraction... another thing to fantasize about and obsess over until someone else comes along, or until I maybe get involved with something real.

One can only hope.....


**EDIT 1 - 2:30pm**

Back at work... I love work. I love having things to keep me busy.

She's online. Do you think she'll ever crack?


**EDIT 2 - 8:24pm**

She's been online all day. No cracking from either side. I'm so tired. No energy. I wanted to do laundry tonight, but I just don't see myself having the energy to do so. That being said, I dread the idea of sitting waiting for myself and her to not message each other, because that's what'll happen, isn't it? I mean, there's been no communication since Sunday, and even then, the communication between us since the roadtrip has been totally different. What the fuck is it? What the fuck has changed? Why does she not wanna talk anymore? She had her fill? She got turned off?

...or is it positive? Does she like me? Does she want me to initiate?

I can't. If she was interested, she would.

...or would she? I mean, why must I rely on her?

FML.