She stole my heart and my cat!

Bahhhh. Not like a sheep, but like a frustrated Tricycle.

She's not talking to me like she used to, and I don't think it's in my head.

Then again, who fucking cares?! She's been in my life for less than 2 months and I mean, she's cute and great, but I have greater friends... It's just a fucking crush. It always seems like my whole world at the time, but it's not.

Even my financial situation. It's looking pretty bleak and it makes me anxious, but it's fix-able. It might take some more saving, discipline, cutting down on the partying... but regardless, I can fix it. I need to stop being anxious and just hiding my head under the sand, and instead be PROACTIVE. It doesn't mean I have to go beg my parents or declare bankruptcy, because it's not like that. It's just about making smart decisions. I'd really like to have my shit paid off by next April... even before, but I have to be realistic. I wanna graduate debt free. The sad thing is that I don't even have student debt. I suppose it's more like STUPID debt. Hahah... but not actually that funny.

A while later...

We're talking now... she seems more like she used to, but I am over-thinking it. My friend Jelly (hahah... Jelly) told me E. has a lot on her plate, so I shouldn't worry. I'll try that out.

P.S. I had this crush in high school... we'll call her Monster, because she was one. Anyway, eventually Monster and I broke up, and not in the sense that we were dating, but we did the whole "we can't be friends" thang. So when we "broke up" I used to always write about her in my diaries and stuff, but I'd never refer to her as Monster, but always just as "she" or "her". I became fascinated with the pronoun. I couldn't even say her fucking name.

Now I'm doing that with E. I don't mean in this blog, because I'm calling her E. for the sake of my privacy... and her's as well, I suppose. But just generally... and in my diary maybe... it concerns me, and fascinates me. It also suggests that NOTHING will happen here. She's an idea, not a reality. I mean, at least for me... which is sad for her, but not really. More so for me.

We're having a good conversation though, so I'm not gonna let it bother me.