Aaaaanyway..........
So. I just got home to my parents' house for a weekend after the long-awaited roadtrip + 4 days in Kelowna, BC. The roadtrip was absolutely amazing -- good times, good music, lots of laughs, and some of the most breath-taking scenery I've ever seen.
BUT that's not what I'm in the mood to chat about. I wanna chat about my crush - E. She came on the roadtrip with us. I only have an hour left on my Mom's laptop (battery), but I'm gonna do my best to really break-down my experience with E from start to finish. I think if I focus on just her that I can get it all out in one sitting, but first I have to pee.
Okay back.
Okay, E. I met her at my best friend's birthday. We'll call my best friend Moo. Moo has been my best friend for 4 years, and she was celebrating her birthday at a pub. Moo plays hockey and I try to go to a lot of the games, although this year I haven't gone to a tonne. A bunch of Moo's hockey teammates come to the pub to celebrate with her - including E. I notice E immediately. She's cute, beautiful, and hot, all at once. We all get really hammered that night, have a great time, and go home.
The next day E adds me to Facebook. Then she messages me on Facebook chat. Then she gives me her number. Then a few days later we chat on Facebook and she gets me to add her to MSN. Ever since the beginning of April we've been chatting pretty much nightly on MSN. Like, chatting from 10pm-5am on a regular basis. We've hung out a few times too -- once she came over to my apartment, another time we went out for beers and got high, and there's been other hang-out sessions too..... and then of course the constant chatting and texting -- all the time. The conversations are good too -- always interesting and funny and sometimes even flirty.
Anyway, so when Moo and I decided to do this roadtrip we needed another driver, and E offerred. At this point E knew I was going, so could she have come for me? Maybe, but anyway..... so she's coming now too. We pretty much talk about it daily. We're both SO excited. We text and message constantly.
Then we go on the roadtrip. It's weird because most of our getting to know each other has been online, but the trip goes amazingly well. 3.5 days in the car together = lots of laughing, singing, and having fun. She seems comfortable with me, but still flirty. We make eye contact and smile at each other a lot.
Once in Kelowna it's even better because we're sleeping in the same bed. 3 of the 4 nights we get hammered and 1 of the nights we get STONED. The first night she gives me a back massage and then we fall asleep spooning. The last night I give her a back massage and we fall asleep spooning AND with my arm around her. On the last night we go out to a bar and get so drunk. One of Moo's friends from Kelowna asks me to talk about my coming-out (of the closet) story and all those gritty details about my sexuality. I tell her and all the time E is staring at me, listening, despite the fact that I'm mostly addressing Moo's friend while telling the story. When we leave the bar it's raining and E asks me to make an umbrella for her out of my arms. I lay my arms over her and she wraps her arms around me. Upon getting into the car, E and I sit right next to each other (despite there being lots of room) and I put my arm around her.
WTF?!?! She knows I'm queer, she knows I'm more into girls than guys, she knows my whole story..... yet she continues to cuddle, "flirt" (although that could be argued), and stay physically close to me a lot of the time. Is she just totally comfortable and chill with me? She's only known me a little over a month though. My friend suggested that maybe I make her feel a lot more comfortable about herself? Like, her own "bisexuality" (in quotations because it's hypothetical). Is it wrong of me to assume her comfort with me means some kind of attraction or queerness? So many questions..... so good to write.....
Regardless, I'm getting anxious for answers, but what if they never come? They always do, one way or another..... She gets a boyfriend, I finally tell her how I feel (dumb!), or..... or..... maybe it's neither of those answers. Maybe she does like me. I mean, it's possible..... I just don't want to prepare for that scenario when it's less likely..... or is it? I need to talk more to Moo. She is NOT one to think anyone's gay (unless it's REALLY obvious) and even she says that maybe E could be feeling something..... I'm hopeful, but I'm also scared. I've been through this and I'm not anxious to feel all that bullshit again. Ugh.
Okay. That was a legit entry. I'm tired.
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