Pause a tiff it y.

Exam in 4 hours and 10 minutes.

When I woke up I was in a bad mood. I think it was a combination of being tired and feeling frustrated about this excrutiating exam period. Almost EVERYONE is done and I've just been puttering around studying (or more accurately, feeling sorry for myself) without any dedication to the material or the end result.

BUT - I know that being depressed about not being done won't help anything. I need to approach today's exam with a positive attitude. Sure, I might not get 100% on it (or close), but that doesn't mean I don't have to be optimistic, try my hardest, and hope for the best, does it? NO - I must be positive. I will take a deep breath, smile, stretch, encourage myself, and see what happens! YES!

I know it's cheesy, but it's incredible what a positive attitude can do for your case, whatever it may be.

I should leave to campus relatively soon. I'll give myself 15 more minutes and then I have to leave... or rather, get ready to leave. Basically, I have to get off the computer in 15 minutes. Yes. Then I will go to campus, sell a textbook for $10, go buy cigarettes with said $10, then go sit in the school building next to the building where my exam is and just review, review, REVIEW.

Ok, I should head out!
Wish me luck!

insomnia for you

I wanted to be in bed by midnight tonight. It's 10 minutes to, and I could definitely still do it, but something is holding me back.

It's my crush. I wanna stay up and get her texts. I wanna wait until she comes online and chats with me. I wanna look at pictures of her and get that warm, fuzzy feeling inside when she messages me.

Wow... am I that far gone? I never meant to be.

I thought she might've stopped texting me, but there's another one. It's one of those texts where you can't tell if another one's coming after/before it. I'll give it a few minutes. A few more minutes to take a deep breath that is hard to breathe in because you're feeling anxiety/butterflies at the same time.

Wow. Wow, wow, wow...

I think it's the idea of it all. I mean - a new crush. I doubt she reciprocates, but of course there's that little voice that keeps saying, "maybe... maybe... maybe..." and I listen to it because I want it to be true, but it never is... but it's not always terrible in the end either. Sometimes it just fades away. This will too...

It's midnight now. It's time for bed, but I can't. I told myself no computer. Just bed. Maybe a book. I mean, I can just lie there with my cell phone on... I need to be up in the morning to study. I need to be ready to get to campus by noon at the latest.

Just a little longer...?

Seriously?

My roommate bought paper plates and disposable cups because she's too busy (read: lazy) to wash dishes.

**EDIT**
I still want to stick with only 1 entry a day, but I just realized that I can still ADD to an entry after posting... Silly Tricycle.

I really like this blog. I wonder if anyone follows it. Follow... can you tell I use Twitter? I do, but not under this name, so don't even try to look for me. It's impossible. Tricycle Lowtops is ONLY my blogger identity and I love it and don't wanna ruin it. I haven't even told anyone that I have a secret blog... I might have told someone once, but I haven't mentioned it since. I like keeping it private because I get to blog IMMEDIATELY after something happens (usually scandalous, embarrassing, etc.) and get it all out there without stressing. I'm probably a much calmer person thanks to this blog. Actually, I'm calm because of masturbation & weed. Let's be real.

I'm having a great day. I woke up a little later than intended, but no harm done, so I quickly showered and headed to meet some people for lunch. It was someone else's treat, and a quite fancy restaurant, and........................

OMG
I'm drunk.

How could I update now? I should just sign off.

xoxoxoxo

f-ed.

Something so fucked up just happened. Thank God for this blog. This is not something I can twitter or Facebook about, or even LJ about. It's meant only for Tricycle Lowtops.

What was it?

I was just masturbating and JUST started my orgasm when my Mom yelled something to me. I answered her question, all the while still rubbing off and climaxing.

I cannot be phased.

Midma, too.

I went on MDMA again last night. My second time. This time we didn't get tablets - we got powder that we drank in Gatorade/Red Bull/water. That was around 10pm last night. Then we went to the club where we saw The Bloody Beetroots, MSTRKRFT, Crookers, and Steve Aoki. Within 30 minutes or so I was LOVING LIFE. I was high outta my mind and just dancing all over the place. The night lasted until 5am. We left the club and drove back to where I live and go to school. Now I'm still up (can't fall asleep) watching "Living Lohan" and NOT writing my essay, even though I really should be.

That's all I can handle mentioning right now, but FYI - I'm frustrated with some friends.

Crushed

It's really frustrating being gay sometimes. I like being gay and I am so fortunate because I have an AMAZING family/friend group who all support me and love me. They don't ignore my queerness - they embrace it. My parents are especially amazing. They're constantly sending me clips/articles/etc. about queer stuff - not in an annoying way, just in a way that shows how much they love me. I love it! I'm also totally comfortable with myself - I'm very clear on my sexual orientation, and as far as I'm concerned, there's no ambiguity in that arena for me. So - what is it that makes being gay frustrating if all of these things are so perfect?

CRUSHES.

I love to love/like. I have a lot of feelings, and I really like directing them towards someone, so a crush is usually a welcome distraction. BUT what about when you don't know her orientation? She's a couple years younger than I, and so her interest in me could simply be a younger girl looking up to an older one, right? I mean, if I were her age, I'd think I was pretty cool too, haha! But maybe it's not like that... maybe she is crushing on me.

I met her through a friend. My friend (who's not one to assume that anyone's gay, unless they're more stereotypical) thinks that it's possible that the girl I'm crushing on (we'll call her S.) is bisexual or something. Ugh it's hard to say. And I've had crushes on straight girls before, so I'm not really concerned about it... but... UGH!

Anyway, that's all for now - exams to study for, essays to write...

Wonderful

I don't know if I've ever mentioned this before, but I am a person who really likes to savour wonderful moments. Wonderful moments happen a lot, and I'm sure I let a lot of them slip by, but when I'm having a day like today - woke up hungover in my best friend's bed, went out for breakfast, got dropped off at home, and have since done very little... masturbated, listened to music, watched lots of "Six Feet Under", and have been tidying my apartment up as well... It's just been really wonderful. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful... Just thought I'd share.

Also - I Love The Bloody Beetroots (two separate links, just FYI).

Okay, I wanted to write more but I don't have it in me. I must conserve my energy in order to spend the entire night smoking weed and hanging with hot girls. I feel like a rock star.