How far will I go?

I realize right now what kind of relationship I eventually want:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hD83Ns6DF_0

At about 6 minutes you see the loveliness that is Norm & Margie of "Fargo". They are one of the most tender and loving couples I've ever seen displayed on the screen. I am envious.

I had a pretty crazy night last night. It was one of my best friends' birthday celebration (her actual birthday is Tuesday) and although it was off to a slow and dramatic start, we all persevered and ended up having an amazing and outrageous night. She's a hockey player and has some fuckin' hot hockey girl friends. Yum! The stereotypes about hockey girls being lesbians is so unfortunately not true... There's just as much incidence as anywhere else. Bummer. Absolutely stunning eye candy.

I'm kinda pissed at some people... or pissed at myself... or feeling self-conscious or something... I don't even want to get into it because there's a good chance it's all just bullshit in my head. Therefore I will simply go on as if nothing is wrong until/if I'm made (explicitly) to think otherwise.

That's a big motto in my life... or not so much a motto as some kind of mantra maybe... not sure. At any rate, I've always said that we should never assume that someone's mad at us or that something's going on until we know that something is. It happens to all of us - we feel a vibe and make an assumption based on it. Often I'm sure these assumptions are right, but what good is it ever to act based on an assumption? It isn't. So it's best to curb our instinct to get all defensive/upset, and just wait it out until we find out the truth one way or another.

Example: my friend came out with me to my friend's birthday party yesterday. He seemed a little disinterested and annoyed being there, so when he left I felt angry. I thought, "so what? You don't like hanging with me? You think my other friends are less cool?" and so on and so forth... So unproductive, right? I wanted to text him earlier today just to get a dialogue started, but I stopped myself - there's no need to do something just to try to evoke some kind of reaction. So I waited and lo and behold he messaged me recently on MSN. It feels so much better now, because he made the effort, which says to me that there's no bad blood/tension/drama between us. Problem solved!

The other situation is that I have a "crush" on this girl S. The crush is in quotations because I don't know where the crush came from. Certainly she's a cute girl, smart, funny, and nice to talk to/flirt with, but I've spent little to no time with her. I think I just want a crush, and a feasible crush, a.k.a. she's gay and could like me back. The truth is, it doesn't matter whether or not she could like me, because she's told me that she doesn't. Why am I still pursuing it? This is SO reminiscient of this crush I had in the summer of 2006. I caused myself a lot of strife with that one, but I got over it, and I'll get over this too... it's just best that I be a little more proactive and give up now! If she is going to have feelings for me, it certainly won't come from me aggressively pursuing her. So it's time to stop texting, stop messaging on MSN, etc., etc. I'll get over it. I will. I just need to do what I know I need to.

Fin.