Fire

Ugh. I had a sad moment tonight. It was a moment where I nearly cried, but I didn't, so I should be glad for that. 4 months ago I might've, but I didn't tonight.

Anyway, so I saw these two girls who are dating. I was at this event I organized and they had snuck off to make out presumably. They've been going out for a year or so and it just seems like they still have such fire in their relationship. Did I still have fire at that point in mine? Why didn't we still have fire after two years? Why did it have to end?

Here's the thing though: it did end. For whatever reason (and there were reasons) it ended, and it was supposed to, or it wouldn't have. It's been almost 5 months and on how many occasions have I said, "this is the best thing that could've happened to me"? It opened me up to experiences I never would've tried when she and I were dating. I've done MDMA, I've partied my ass off at a considerably higher rate than EVER before, and I've bonded with my two best friends (J & W) on this level I never would've imagined for us. I feel like I do a lot more for myself. I've let some things slip for sure, but nothing I can't handle.

She's with someone new and that's good for her, but it's also good for me that I'm not with someone new. When she and I got together I was in this great place where I never imagined myself with anyone, which was why it made everything so special.

That will happen again. It will. It will when it's supposed to, and since it hasn't yet, it's not time.

I believe that things happen for a reason, and I have to believe that in this case, even though sometimes it's hard to see that reason...

...but it's not that hard, because look at how much fun I'm having!!!